hi blog,
its been sixteen days since i last had a session with u. which can possibly mean tht i have not been in one of my depressing moods since so many days and tht is actually a gud sign (tho it is not the entire truth but a gud enuf assumption nevertheless(after all i am an engineer)).
it also does not mean tht today i am not feelin very gud .in fact the last few days have been one hell of a ride where i have written journals, forgotten them at wierd places, rewritten them and submitted them. a special mention needs to be made of one micro controller project which has made me wiser( you are supposed to learn from ur mistakes after all) and has taken me to a superbly scenic locale near ghatkopar station tht i odrwise wud never have seen in my life.
but now all my submissions are over, the college has officially declared a term end and only the studying for the exam part is left( dont knw whether tht is the easier or the dificult part of the sem. only time and future blogs will tell). of course there is the prelims in 2 days time which seems to be the biggest farce in the name of an examination i have ever witnessed(arun roy's iit-jee class tests come a close second). even then i will try opening my books b4 every exam(the relevant books and not novels) and the rest i leave to god, allah, jesus and whoever else is listening.
so this blog is not an indication of any moods of mine, it is just an announcement of things to come. it is the dawn of an era( every pl is equivalent to an era) tht will lead to many new periods of frustration, happiness, fun, a little study and a lot of timepass. and of course my regular mandir sessions which have become one of the most memorable(for lack of a better adjective(sumtimes my mind goes completely blank)) memoriess of the pl.
the next blog is going to be a review of the "prelims". a complete chronicle of an engineering terminology tht can be tht has no meaning except tht it forms part of the engineering jargon. till then bye.
Saturday, October 22, 2005
Thursday, October 6, 2005
Cant think of any title
hi
i am back and this time with a huge lot of stuff to write about.there is so much tht i want to put into this blog tht i fear tht a lot of it will be left out simply bcoz i forgot to write about it. of course the chronology of all tht i put in here is definitely not in any order of time, importance or any other parameter. so let the games begin........
to begin with, yes, i am on one of my periodic lows again. seems to me tht i think of this blog only when i am feeling low or depressed or some such emotional imbalance. somehow i never find the time or inclination to write in when i am feeling not so low( a high is out of the question coz i cant remember the last time i felt like i was on cloud #3 even (let aone cloud #9)). so as much as i try to avoid it, this blog ends up being a chronicle of all the lows tht i have been feeling since i have started blogging and now i think it is better tht i even stop trying.
at the root of this low , depression whtever u choose to call it, is the sme old culprit, engineering or my college or the people in it, i am not really sure. but one thing is for sure, it has sumthin to do with engineering. and so currently i hate, no despise, everything even remotely connected with it.
there is no comfort even in academics (read opening an engineering book and staring at it for hours on end without really assimilating anything). i used to think i cud use those seemingly unending lines of text as a possible solution to my dark moods. but this time even tht is not working. hasnt been working since days actually. i am not able to study at home and the library induces sleep before i can say abc.wht this means is tht this study leave will not be so rosy as my other ones and i will have to really slog it out then. so might as well gear up for it.
anyone reading this wud suggest tht if coll is a bore then stay at home. but even here there is a snag. the only things to do at home r study, play on the comp, watch tv(read keep switching channels) or sleep. all of which get boring after a really short period of time which is why getting home early is also discarded as an option.wht i wud really like to do is to get away sumwhere where there r no people outside of a select group for as far as the eye can see. being in mumbai i knw tht is sumthin which is actually impossible which is y i think the terrace of luv kush towers might be a nice place. i dont knw y but for one very brief moment when i was standing outside my classroom, i actually thot tht it mite just be a nice idea to try jumping (only for a very brief moment after which my senses got the better off me). but it just emphasises how much i long to be away from a lot of things, mainly people. i am basically tired of seeing all the sad faces tht my coll seems to have an endless supply of. people who r basically complaining or crying over sumthin or the other(even i do tht most of the times. its not their fault really). but its just tht currently i wud like to go away from it all.
then there is also vikram factor. i dont y but i just feel like hitting him whenever i see him. not like hurting or killing him kind of hitting but the playful kind of hitting. he doesnot seem to realise this and retaliates with all his might which often ends up hurting me. even rite now i have a mild swelling on my forehead which bursts into spasms of pain whenever i open my mouth to eat, yawn or do anything. so tomm onwards i promise not to touch him.
the current low tht i am going thru is different in the form tht it started during college hours, which is a first of its kind as far as i can remember( which is also not a very long time coz i cant remember a lot). it started sumtime in the CTSS lecture after which i just dint want to stay in coll which led to me missin my GD semis and also my soc event. and bcoz i had already exhausted all my options of things to do at home i ended up actually thinking abt wht i wud be writing in this blog today. sumtime during tht session, i had a feeling tht maybe these lows r bcoz of a desire to write sumthing. so i am not sure whether i am writing bcoz i feel a little down or i am feeling a little more than a little down bcoz i want to write. hope it is the former.
another really frustrating thing happening currently is the navratri festival bcoz of which a bunch of ppl who really wud not make gud bathroom singers even start blaring guju songs at the top of their voice forgetting even the basic fact tht they have a mike in their hand. all this and maybe somethings more which i am missing contribute to this being one of the more forgettable times of my life. just hope tht it gets over soon.
anways i think i am finally done with everything i wanted to say. hopefully i havent missed out on anything. if i have theres nothing tht can be done abt it so no point in doing anything abt it.
i knw this does not make for a gud read but it wasnt intended to be one in the first place. this as i said in the beginning (which is so long back tht u mite have forgotten it) a chronicle of my lows and nething tht i find worthy of mention so suggestions if any r definitely not welcome.
i am back and this time with a huge lot of stuff to write about.there is so much tht i want to put into this blog tht i fear tht a lot of it will be left out simply bcoz i forgot to write about it. of course the chronology of all tht i put in here is definitely not in any order of time, importance or any other parameter. so let the games begin........
to begin with, yes, i am on one of my periodic lows again. seems to me tht i think of this blog only when i am feeling low or depressed or some such emotional imbalance. somehow i never find the time or inclination to write in when i am feeling not so low( a high is out of the question coz i cant remember the last time i felt like i was on cloud #3 even (let aone cloud #9)). so as much as i try to avoid it, this blog ends up being a chronicle of all the lows tht i have been feeling since i have started blogging and now i think it is better tht i even stop trying.
at the root of this low , depression whtever u choose to call it, is the sme old culprit, engineering or my college or the people in it, i am not really sure. but one thing is for sure, it has sumthin to do with engineering. and so currently i hate, no despise, everything even remotely connected with it.
there is no comfort even in academics (read opening an engineering book and staring at it for hours on end without really assimilating anything). i used to think i cud use those seemingly unending lines of text as a possible solution to my dark moods. but this time even tht is not working. hasnt been working since days actually. i am not able to study at home and the library induces sleep before i can say abc.wht this means is tht this study leave will not be so rosy as my other ones and i will have to really slog it out then. so might as well gear up for it.
anyone reading this wud suggest tht if coll is a bore then stay at home. but even here there is a snag. the only things to do at home r study, play on the comp, watch tv(read keep switching channels) or sleep. all of which get boring after a really short period of time which is why getting home early is also discarded as an option.wht i wud really like to do is to get away sumwhere where there r no people outside of a select group for as far as the eye can see. being in mumbai i knw tht is sumthin which is actually impossible which is y i think the terrace of luv kush towers might be a nice place. i dont knw y but for one very brief moment when i was standing outside my classroom, i actually thot tht it mite just be a nice idea to try jumping (only for a very brief moment after which my senses got the better off me). but it just emphasises how much i long to be away from a lot of things, mainly people. i am basically tired of seeing all the sad faces tht my coll seems to have an endless supply of. people who r basically complaining or crying over sumthin or the other(even i do tht most of the times. its not their fault really). but its just tht currently i wud like to go away from it all.
then there is also vikram factor. i dont y but i just feel like hitting him whenever i see him. not like hurting or killing him kind of hitting but the playful kind of hitting. he doesnot seem to realise this and retaliates with all his might which often ends up hurting me. even rite now i have a mild swelling on my forehead which bursts into spasms of pain whenever i open my mouth to eat, yawn or do anything. so tomm onwards i promise not to touch him.
the current low tht i am going thru is different in the form tht it started during college hours, which is a first of its kind as far as i can remember( which is also not a very long time coz i cant remember a lot). it started sumtime in the CTSS lecture after which i just dint want to stay in coll which led to me missin my GD semis and also my soc event. and bcoz i had already exhausted all my options of things to do at home i ended up actually thinking abt wht i wud be writing in this blog today. sumtime during tht session, i had a feeling tht maybe these lows r bcoz of a desire to write sumthing. so i am not sure whether i am writing bcoz i feel a little down or i am feeling a little more than a little down bcoz i want to write. hope it is the former.
another really frustrating thing happening currently is the navratri festival bcoz of which a bunch of ppl who really wud not make gud bathroom singers even start blaring guju songs at the top of their voice forgetting even the basic fact tht they have a mike in their hand. all this and maybe somethings more which i am missing contribute to this being one of the more forgettable times of my life. just hope tht it gets over soon.
anways i think i am finally done with everything i wanted to say. hopefully i havent missed out on anything. if i have theres nothing tht can be done abt it so no point in doing anything abt it.
i knw this does not make for a gud read but it wasnt intended to be one in the first place. this as i said in the beginning (which is so long back tht u mite have forgotten it) a chronicle of my lows and nething tht i find worthy of mention so suggestions if any r definitely not welcome.
Monday, September 26, 2005
Post Praxis
Praxis, the one festival in my college tht has not been very enjoyable, atleast in the first two years.
But this weekend and this Praxis has been different. This time arnd, for the first time, i was present for both the days upto the very end and i dont regret doing tht. In fact it was quite enjoyable.
Anyways it is all over now and the time has come once again when exams and assignments and submissions start looming large. I have to seriously start studying now and so as a start will try real hard to wrap up all my comp related activities by midnight (i knw it will be difficult so God help me). This will atleast ensure tht i get enuf sleep and do not need to sleep in the evening.
Also i will try to get back from coll as early as possible (and this will be even more difficult). So heres looking forward to another of those torrid 2 months tht r the trademark of ne engg semester. Anyone reading this plz say a silent prayer for me (even loud prayer is fine) and wish me luck.
But this weekend and this Praxis has been different. This time arnd, for the first time, i was present for both the days upto the very end and i dont regret doing tht. In fact it was quite enjoyable.
Anyways it is all over now and the time has come once again when exams and assignments and submissions start looming large. I have to seriously start studying now and so as a start will try real hard to wrap up all my comp related activities by midnight (i knw it will be difficult so God help me). This will atleast ensure tht i get enuf sleep and do not need to sleep in the evening.
Also i will try to get back from coll as early as possible (and this will be even more difficult). So heres looking forward to another of those torrid 2 months tht r the trademark of ne engg semester. Anyone reading this plz say a silent prayer for me (even loud prayer is fine) and wish me luck.
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
A Little Early
today i am writing this blog relatively early. its only 10:50 at night and i think this is the best time to blog. coz i dont feel bad at all rite now, in fact i feel very gud.
today a really strange thing happened to me. the front door of my house just refused to open like saurav refused to step down from his captaincy. so ultimately i had to climb from the backside (for those who dont knw my house is on the second floor). it was not very difficult but i enjoyed it very much as it was the first time i had attempted such a thing.
other than tht i had a pretty normal day today and nothing exceptionally gud or bad to report (which is very close to an ideal day). i intend to have many more days in the near future now tht i see myself having a lot more time for myself after the end of this week.
today a really strange thing happened to me. the front door of my house just refused to open like saurav refused to step down from his captaincy. so ultimately i had to climb from the backside (for those who dont knw my house is on the second floor). it was not very difficult but i enjoyed it very much as it was the first time i had attempted such a thing.
other than tht i had a pretty normal day today and nothing exceptionally gud or bad to report (which is very close to an ideal day). i intend to have many more days in the near future now tht i see myself having a lot more time for myself after the end of this week.
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Strange Times
having just written a comment on a post tht i wud love to see more cheerful articles in a blog, i find myself thinking of only sad things in life rite now for this one. tho this is supposed to be a personal diary kind of a blog. but i sure as hell dont want my personal diary to be a colloection of whinings and sad stories and look back at it maybe ten years from now and decide tht my life was miserable.
coz my life is NOT miserable yet i do not find a single day tht can be described as completely cheerful or a day where i have not thot of nething tht has dampened my spirits.
i myself read my previous few blogs all over again and i dont think those days were all tht bad tht sumone reading it wud feel. but those blogs reflect my mood at tht time of the day (which is usually pretty late at night) and i knw this from experience tht late at nite i usually get all frustrated and stuff primarily bcoz i knw wht is my prob and wht is its solution and still cant do anything abt it. till the case remains such i think this blog will keep reflecting the darker side of me ,a side which only i knw abt. an alternative wud be tht i start bloggin during the day but i prefer it this way so tht atleast i can type down my thots if not shout them out even tho tht wud be a better way.
till then i am sorry but this blog represents a Siddharth which is a little different from the normal Siddharth but very much a part of him nonetheless
coz my life is NOT miserable yet i do not find a single day tht can be described as completely cheerful or a day where i have not thot of nething tht has dampened my spirits.
i myself read my previous few blogs all over again and i dont think those days were all tht bad tht sumone reading it wud feel. but those blogs reflect my mood at tht time of the day (which is usually pretty late at night) and i knw this from experience tht late at nite i usually get all frustrated and stuff primarily bcoz i knw wht is my prob and wht is its solution and still cant do anything abt it. till the case remains such i think this blog will keep reflecting the darker side of me ,a side which only i knw abt. an alternative wud be tht i start bloggin during the day but i prefer it this way so tht atleast i can type down my thots if not shout them out even tho tht wud be a better way.
till then i am sorry but this blog represents a Siddharth which is a little different from the normal Siddharth but very much a part of him nonetheless
Thursday, September 15, 2005
The real reason
now tht things in my life r getting back to normal, i finally found some time for thinking abt the past few days in detail. i think the main reason for all my bad moods and boredom and frustrations is the rains. i dont understand y there is no stop button for them. it is high time someone told them they cannot stay for this long. i cannot play cricket bcoz of them and feel all bottled up coz i keep moving between the home and coll which r all closed spaces. i just long to be out in the open where i can just let myself free and do whtever i want to. i think once tht happens i will be fine.
so neone who reads this plz pray tht the rains stop real quick and life gets exciting again.
so neone who reads this plz pray tht the rains stop real quick and life gets exciting again.
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
BACK TO NORMAL
the last two days have been some kind of an emotional roller coaster for me. from extreme low to a normal frame of mind in 2 days. and now it is back to normal once again.
i am beginning to like engineering again and i think it is bcoz of the fact the on opening my books today i finally found sumthin tht can keep away the boredom of everyday life.
strange tht relief comes in the form of books. most of the subjects this sem are not easy pushovers and so they will take up a lot of time to get thru. wht this means for me is tht i can now spend quite a lot of my time on those books without getting bored. never knew i wud thank the day when my subjects look tough. i have also decided to give fiction another chance and see where tht leads me. all in all i think the next few days will pass pretty smoothly. one more good thing to look forward to is tht there r no society activities for the next ten days in coll which translates into a lot of free time.so heres to a nice week
i am beginning to like engineering again and i think it is bcoz of the fact the on opening my books today i finally found sumthin tht can keep away the boredom of everyday life.
strange tht relief comes in the form of books. most of the subjects this sem are not easy pushovers and so they will take up a lot of time to get thru. wht this means for me is tht i can now spend quite a lot of my time on those books without getting bored. never knew i wud thank the day when my subjects look tough. i have also decided to give fiction another chance and see where tht leads me. all in all i think the next few days will pass pretty smoothly. one more good thing to look forward to is tht there r no society activities for the next ten days in coll which translates into a lot of free time.so heres to a nice week
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