Plain Luck or Calculated Mischief?

A business trip I had to make in August 2010 required me to pass through London city, and as the connecting flights were from different airports in London, I needed to apply for a transit/tourist visa for the United Kingdom. The travel agent recommended that I apply for a transit visa as it is quicker and does not require an interview and is expected to be processed and released in 4-5 working days.

With this assurance, I applied for the transit visa on the 11^th of August for a departure on 28^th August, giving them 12 working days to do a job that was supposed to take 5. Plenty of time one would be forgiven for thinking, but you can never underestimate Murphy. The visa centre prided itself on having an online application tracker where you could find out the status of your application. On day 5, the day I was expecting the visa to be released, the tracker said that my visa is being processed. That’s all…just these 5 words, which left me wondering about the purpose of the tracker in the first place, if all it existed for was to make redundant statements (similar to newspaper articles that end with “will it work? Only time will tell!”)

By day 9 (T-3 days), I had begun to fret a little and called the helpline mentioned on the website for information. To their credit, it was the fastest helpline that got me to a human voice (the phone companies are the worst) I had ever encountered. After giving her the information about my application number, I was made to hold for some time, raising my hopes of getting meaningful information, but now I think all she did was check the same online system on the public website to give me the 5 words I had come to dread…”your visa is being processed”. All further requests for more concrete information on whether it is likely to be processed in time (remember it is T-3 days) or whether I should initiate cancellation procedures fell on deaf ears. I even wrote to all the email addresses mentioned on the website which led to all of ZERO responses from anyone on the other end. To be fair to them, an auto reply did warn me not to expect a reply before 30 days!

Day 11 (T-1 !!) and still no sign of visa. I decided that since I had anyways waited this long to go the complete distance and only change travel plans the morning of the departure date. This decision turned out to be the life saver as that evening, I got a message saying that my visa has been processed and is available for collection the next day (5 hours before departure). Although my joy knew no bounds at having got the green light for the trip, I couldn’t help but wonder the possible reasons why the visa only arrived one day before the departure date (which was entered in atleast 3 diff places in the application along with a print of the tickets). A number of scenarios come to mind

1] The embassy processed it as per its normal procedures regardless of departure dates with no regards to whether the passenger gets the visa in time for it to be meaningful. This might be possible as its just another passenger amongst millions and the cancellation is actually extra revenue for their home country. And I got incredibly lucky to have gotten through the system barely in time

2] The embassy people (or whoever processes the applications) saw my application, didn’t like my face, but found no plausible reason to reject the application so they waited till the last possible second in the hopes that I would cancel. If that is indeed the case, may the person who did this wake up tomorrow morning with a dog’s tail sticking out of his @#$%

3] The embassy people were genuinely overflooded with applications and only managed to get to mine 2 days before the departure date and then worked wonders to get it cleared in time so that I could travel. If that is the case…may this person wake up tomorrow morning and find that the first thing he wishes for since waking up is fulfilled (of course he may waste it on ''I wish whoever is in the bathroom gets out immediately, I have an emergency'' leading to all kinds of unpleasant/pleasant scenarios depending on the state of the person already inside)

What did happen, I will never get to know. All I wish for is more useful information on the status in future and not mere redundant stuff. Then again..maybe it is not such a bad thing after all to have such an experience in your life and they should make it a habit to do this to more applications to add colour to people’s life!! Maybe they already do!!

An Honest...wait for it...Traffic Cop

No pun intended! No inherent contradictions here! I actually had a run-in with an honest traffic cop in Mumbai last week and i feel blessed! Here is how it all transpired

Driving through Amar Mahal junction near Ghatkopar, i was one of the tiny few who try to and succeed in getting through the junction before the blink and you miss it green signal turns red again. And in the rush (for absolutely no reason, i was just dropping a friend home) to get past it, i did not realize the light turn red again just as i crossed the line from safety into combat zone and was caught by the ever-present traffic cop standing there expecting exactly this waiting to wave me to the side of the road.

It was thus with trepidation that i stepped out of the car, bracing myself for a show of abject poverty to lower the bribe to manageable levels when the cop, expectedly asked me to hand over my licence.

I was expecting the usual charade of "ill have to impound your licence and charge you with a fine of a few million rupees (never heard this figure below 500) and you can collect it later after paying the fine" followed by my pleading that it was an honest mistake and let me go for a tenth of that sum going straight into your pocket.

The cop did exactly that except that instead of mentioning an absurd figure, he quoted the princely sum of Rs 100/- to be paid as fine and asked me to collect the licence in a couple of days from the nearest traffic outpost (on my route from home to work for that week). I was first shocked to hear the amount and my initial reaction was that he seems to be in a screwy mode where he will say Rs 100 but i will be asked to cough up a much bigger amount at the traffic chowk. So i offered to pay him the Rs 100/- and give me my licence back (i know i am also to blame....he wont take a bribe if you wont offer one...blah blah), which he refused and impounded my licence and gave me a receipt instead.

A couple of days later, i made my way to the outpost expecting to pay anywhere between Rs 100 and 500 and was again shocked when all i had to do was pay the Rs 100 to a bored looking person and get my licence back. The whole process took less than a minute!!

Once again, am pleasantly surprised with this encounter and also more knowledgeable in that no cop can now ask me for exorbitant fines for violating a signal. To all those who may read this and drive in Mumbai, if you are ever caught by a traffic cop for breaking a red light, offer him your licence and ask him where to collect it from after a few days. It is definitely the more convenient and morally satisfying option!