inspiration

Hi
It’s me again. Though who else it can be except for me I haven’t the faintest idea. This is my blog and so there cannot be anyone other than me. Only I wanted to begin and could not think of a better beginning so the hi it’s me again.
Anyway getting to the point which I am not really sure exists. I am not writing here because there is sumthin that I want to write about. I am writing here only because I want to write. About what I don’t know. All that I know is that this desire to write has in some way arisen after reading Fountainhead. For those who don’t know it is a novel by ayn rand about the struggle of an architect. That in itself does not sound even remotely inspiring and it isn’t. What is though is the text of the novel, the way in which it is written. To me the novel seems to be filled of meaningless mumble jumble in exceptionally high English which I accept I do not completely understand. What I infer from reading parts of the novel is that it is highly philosophical and seems to go round and round without actually saying anything. Reading it today created an intense desire in me to just write. It somewhat adheres to what I consider to be somewhat similar to my style of writing which is saying anything and everything that comes to the mind without really thinking whether it means sumthin or not. As an example I would like to paste here an excerpt from the book. There is no introduction necessary because it does not really make any sense at least as far as the storyline is concerned. So here’s how it goes:
“When facing society, the man most concerned, the man who is to do the most and contribute the most, has the least say. It’s taken for granted that he has no voice and the reasons he could offer are rejected in advance as prejudiced—since no speech is ever considered, but only the speaker. It’s so much easier to pass judgment on a man than on an idea. Though how in hell one passes judgment on a man without considering the content of his brain is more than ill ever understand. However, that’s how it is done. You see, reasons require scales to weigh them. And scales are not made of cotton. And cotton is what the human spirit is made of—you know, the stuff that keeps no shape and can be twisted forward and backward into a pretzel. You could tell them y they should hire u so very much better than I cud. But they won’t listen to u and they’ll listen to me. Because I’m the middleman. The shortest distance between two points is not a straight line—it’s a middleman. And the more middlemen, the shorter. Such is the psychology of a pretzel.”
I would not say that this is totally ununderstandable. At the same time it does not completely make sense either at least to me. But it is fun reading because it is pure thoughts put into text without any editing. That is what I have always wanted to do.
One more excerpt which does make sense but I still feel I want to put in here. Here’s how this one goes:
“Now you see the particular effectiveness of a dead issue. You can’t talk your way out of it, you can’t explain, you can’t defend yourself. Nobody wants to listen. It is difficult enough to acquire fame. It is impossible to change its nature once you have acquired it. No, you can never ruin an architect by proving he’s a bad architect. But u can ruin him because he is an atheist, or because somebody sued him, or because he slept with some woman, or because he pulls wings off flies. You’ll say it doesn’t make sense? Of course it doesn’t. That’s why it works. Reason can be fought with reason. How are you going to fight the unreasonable? The trouble with u, my dear, and with most people, is that you don’t have sufficient respect for the senseless. The senseless is the major factor in our lives. You have no chance if it is your enemy. But if u can make it become your ally—ah my dear.”
This paragraph once again does make quite a bit of sense. But again it is beautifully written, seems straight out of the mind and on to the paper and very natural. This is what I aspire to do. Just write about…………….anything…………about everything. And it need not make sense always. And that is what I am going to do from now onwards. Just write, write whatever comes to mind, write without thinking. And once again if anyone has any problems they can approach the address given in my previous posts. Comments if any are welcome.

Utter Crap--just the way i like it

Well I am back and as the title suggests, actually does not suggest but informs that this is the second time in the day that I am blogging. I don’t know why I am doing this and frankly the why I not sumthin that interests me.
Unlike my future blogs, this one has a topic( for a change) and that is :appearances
The title may not really be apt but what the hell. What I really intend to talk about is the importance of looking good, or the importance that society seems to attach to looking good, or my interpretation as to what importance looking good holds for me. I suspect the post will contain something about all the three without no real interconnetction or flow which is exactly how I want it to be.
Comin back to the topic—everywhere I see ppl r obsessed with looking good. Before I really get into it, let me define what I mean when I say looking good. What I am describing here as looking good is an effort to see that everything about u is just perfect. The clothes r not decided depending on what appears at the top of ur wardrobe. They have been decided after real careful thinking even tho the occasion might be as simple as going out for a walk. Yes I have seen ppl who do that. The factors that r taken into consideration before deciding on what to wear when goin for a walk are as follows:
The clothes should not look too old, too new, too crumpled or too neatly pressed. The colors have to be just right, they need to match or the shirt and trousers when worn together should give the appearance of been given a fair bit of thought. The hair has to be neatly combed, not just neatly, properly with the right amount of bounce, shine and whtever else that hair can ever have. What I fail to understand here is the y part of all this. Y is all this fuss over looks necessary? Isn’t it enough if u just look lookable enough that ppl need not be repelled by ur very appearance? And I don’t think the colour of ur clothes has anything to do with it. So, as long as what u r wearing is decent, as long as nobody has any problems with it, it does not really matter what u wear. Yes sometimes it is necessary to dress up, to look good, to appear as if there has been a lot of thought behind ur appearance. But not always. In fact not at most times. Given a choice between being comfortable and looking good, I would opt for the former. But I know of a lot of ppl who wud happily go for the latter. And mostly the two don’t go hand in hand. If and when they do, fine. No problems with that. I know this attitude will not endeavor me a lot to ladies but then I don’t go out looking to impress ppl do i? and if looking good is what is going to get me there, I am not sure I want to be there at all. This can also be taken as a warning or indication of sorts to anyone who is lookin out for me(I am not sure there r any but still whts the harm) that I will not even try looking good for general occasions. If it something special then I mite give it a shot but still there r no guarantees of success.

Just like that once again and maybe a little more

this blog comes in the middle of my PREPARATORY LEAVE. the pl is written in capital only to emphasise the importance of this little period of 20 or so days in the life of an engineer. anyone reading this should not try to find any hidden meanings in the capitals for this is not modern art and there is no hidden meaning here( still if anyone can manage to find any do tell me abt it).
anyways i am writing today only because i felt like writing. i have been planning to write since a long time but could not find time for it until today.
now tht i have found the time, i intend to make it count ( tho wht i am hoping to achieve when i say make it count beats me). as my previous post promises ill start with a review, discussion, article, debate, criticism- whtever u choose to call it- of the PRELIMS. now this caps certainly has a hidden meaning. to those who cannot decipher it- think of it as being written with the same intention as the PL in caps and if ur an engineer especially one from VESIT, u will get the point. in my previous post i remember mentioning tht the prelims is the biggest farce in the name of an examination tht i have witnessed. never before have i been so truthful in my life. this prelim was just as important as it is for saurav ganguly to pass a fitness test before playing a match. sarcasm aside(tho it not entirely possible), if i try to find one positive, one small little tiny positive out of the prelims, it wud have to be my enthusiasm for the maths paper(for reasons tht most of those reading will not be able to guess and it is certainly not a desire to do well in atleast one paper) and the resulting proficiency in maths tht i gained out of it. tho the objective tht i had in mind for writing the paper has not been fulfilled bcoz i did not get the corrected version of my answer paper( i doubt whether the teacher has considered them important enuf to be used as toilet paper even). of course the only good thing coming out of that period of 5 days (not the prelim mind u) is tht i finally for the first time in my life managed a trip to a remote place on the face of earth that some fool named kalyan coz tht is certainly wht happens by the time u get there( this joke mite be understood by those who know a smattering of hindi) and the trip was not without incident.
but the prelims is over. the pl is on in full swing. my time table is out. for once i have said something good for the mu coz they have come out with a wonderful timetable tht has made my pl wonderfully easy and not the hard times tht i had envisaged it to be sometime in the recent past. so the actual reason y i am writing this post today is tht i want an account of my pl so far(finally got to the main reason. took a long time coming).
this sem the beginning of the PL was marked by the auspicious festival of Diwali which is in general a very special festival and this Diwali was my best ever for a variety of reasons most of which i would not like to go into at this point of time, maybe sometime later. one of the main reasons which i can certainly include here is tht i had my house all to myself with noone arnd me. my parents could not have chosen a better time to go on vacation. i spent most of diwali with myself and my friends which was exactly wht i wanted to do.
diwali came and diwali went. during tht time studies happened and then again studies did not happen(plz do not ask me wht this is supposed to mean, i just felt like putting it in tht way) but i was not really concerned and still am not coz of the timetable being so good and my academics being in a generally good condition.
after diwali something happened tht has had me confused ever since. my nani( for those who do not know hindi-my maternal grandmother) passed away. she was well above 80 with already a close brush with death once in the past and so this was not unexpected. even then the news came to me as a surprise and a little bit of shock coming as it did at 3 in the morning. bcoz of tht my mom left immediately on the next flight and my dad left soon after which once again left me all alone( my brother was there but we lead separate lives so tht was not so much of a problem) and it still is like tht as of today. my mom dad will be back by thursday after which life will get back to normal (normal meaning as it was when they r generally here- not good or bad or any such thing). food has been one problem these 2 weeks as i have had to shuffle from one place to another for lunches and dinners and also a lot of dinners in restaurants where 8 out of 10 times(yeah i have been to restaurants for dinner almost 10 times in 2 weeks) i have ended up eating pav bhaji. i hereby promise tht for the remainder of the pl i shall not touch pav bhaji and this is one promise i intend to keep( sounds familiar.........i say this all the time but it never happens so all the best to me). the confusion is because i have enojyed this little period where i was alone but i am not sure whether i was supposed to enjoy it bcoz of the circumstances which led to my being alone. tht is a question tht will probably never be answered and i am not sure whether i even want an answer now. whts done is done. if wht i have done is wrong then maybe someone close to me will also enjoy when i am no more but tht hopefully is a long way off so no point in thinking abt it rite now.
so in this fashion half my pl is over. it has been one really wonderful half pl again for reasons i cannot or maybe do not want to include here rite now. watch out for the reason later coz i am sure there will be one post explaining them tho i am not sure when tht will be.
academically also as i have already written earlier it has been good. how good is something tht only my results will tell and i do not bother a huge lot abt them anyways.
one final point tht i dont know y but i want to include here. this post is not a record of ne emotional hormonal psychological pseudo-psychological or ne odr such imbalance. in fact it is the exact opposite (which is also a kind of imbalance but not like the earlier ones which this blog is full of) and so this makes in 2 in a row tht i have written when i have been feeling good which is a good sign coz tht means i have not felt any such lows since a pretty long time which again confirms the fact tht my lows have something to do with the college and i am generally happier when there is no college. it is also a good thing for this blog coz it is no longer just a blaring record of troubled times but a true companion in all my good and bad times. phew!!!! tht was some final point.
i seem to have written a lot here. i think this is my biggest blog to date i am not really sure but i have just gone one writing whtever i have felt and so the size does matter.
once again i wud like to reiterate tht this is not a bedtime story and so is not meant to entertain. if anyone reading it(i dont knw y i am including this coz i dont knw many ppl who do, in fact i dont knw any who do) finds it boring or has anything to complain abt it he or she may do it at
The prime ministers relief fund
p.o.box no 11023
delhi-1
coz complaining abt it here is tantamount to bhes ke aage been bajana(again only for those who know hindi and i am not able to satisfyingly translate it in english) and if anyone is willing to do tht then be my guest.
till then
bye gn shubh ratri shaba khair and do take very good care of yourself(makes a very good good bye line even tho it has been directly copied).

JUST LIKE THAT

hi blog,
its been sixteen days since i last had a session with u. which can possibly mean tht i have not been in one of my depressing moods since so many days and tht is actually a gud sign (tho it is not the entire truth but a gud enuf assumption nevertheless(after all i am an engineer)).
it also does not mean tht today i am not feelin very gud .in fact the last few days have been one hell of a ride where i have written journals, forgotten them at wierd places, rewritten them and submitted them. a special mention needs to be made of one micro controller project which has made me wiser( you are supposed to learn from ur mistakes after all) and has taken me to a superbly scenic locale near ghatkopar station tht i odrwise wud never have seen in my life.
but now all my submissions are over, the college has officially declared a term end and only the studying for the exam part is left( dont knw whether tht is the easier or the dificult part of the sem. only time and future blogs will tell). of course there is the prelims in 2 days time which seems to be the biggest farce in the name of an examination i have ever witnessed(arun roy's iit-jee class tests come a close second). even then i will try opening my books b4 every exam(the relevant books and not novels) and the rest i leave to god, allah, jesus and whoever else is listening.
so this blog is not an indication of any moods of mine, it is just an announcement of things to come. it is the dawn of an era( every pl is equivalent to an era) tht will lead to many new periods of frustration, happiness, fun, a little study and a lot of timepass. and of course my regular mandir sessions which have become one of the most memorable(for lack of a better adjective(sumtimes my mind goes completely blank)) memoriess of the pl.
the next blog is going to be a review of the "prelims". a complete chronicle of an engineering terminology tht can be tht has no meaning except tht it forms part of the engineering jargon. till then bye.

Cant think of any title

hi
i am back and this time with a huge lot of stuff to write about.there is so much tht i want to put into this blog tht i fear tht a lot of it will be left out simply bcoz i forgot to write about it. of course the chronology of all tht i put in here is definitely not in any order of time, importance or any other parameter. so let the games begin........
to begin with, yes, i am on one of my periodic lows again. seems to me tht i think of this blog only when i am feeling low or depressed or some such emotional imbalance. somehow i never find the time or inclination to write in when i am feeling not so low( a high is out of the question coz i cant remember the last time i felt like i was on cloud #3 even (let aone cloud #9)). so as much as i try to avoid it, this blog ends up being a chronicle of all the lows tht i have been feeling since i have started blogging and now i think it is better tht i even stop trying.
at the root of this low , depression whtever u choose to call it, is the sme old culprit, engineering or my college or the people in it, i am not really sure. but one thing is for sure, it has sumthin to do with engineering. and so currently i hate, no despise, everything even remotely connected with it.
there is no comfort even in academics (read opening an engineering book and staring at it for hours on end without really assimilating anything). i used to think i cud use those seemingly unending lines of text as a possible solution to my dark moods. but this time even tht is not working. hasnt been working since days actually. i am not able to study at home and the library induces sleep before i can say abc.wht this means is tht this study leave will not be so rosy as my other ones and i will have to really slog it out then. so might as well gear up for it.
anyone reading this wud suggest tht if coll is a bore then stay at home. but even here there is a snag. the only things to do at home r study, play on the comp, watch tv(read keep switching channels) or sleep. all of which get boring after a really short period of time which is why getting home early is also discarded as an option.wht i wud really like to do is to get away sumwhere where there r no people outside of a select group for as far as the eye can see. being in mumbai i knw tht is sumthin which is actually impossible which is y i think the terrace of luv kush towers might be a nice place. i dont knw y but for one very brief moment when i was standing outside my classroom, i actually thot tht it mite just be a nice idea to try jumping (only for a very brief moment after which my senses got the better off me). but it just emphasises how much i long to be away from a lot of things, mainly people. i am basically tired of seeing all the sad faces tht my coll seems to have an endless supply of. people who r basically complaining or crying over sumthin or the other(even i do tht most of the times. its not their fault really). but its just tht currently i wud like to go away from it all.
then there is also vikram factor. i dont y but i just feel like hitting him whenever i see him. not like hurting or killing him kind of hitting but the playful kind of hitting. he doesnot seem to realise this and retaliates with all his might which often ends up hurting me. even rite now i have a mild swelling on my forehead which bursts into spasms of pain whenever i open my mouth to eat, yawn or do anything. so tomm onwards i promise not to touch him.
the current low tht i am going thru is different in the form tht it started during college hours, which is a first of its kind as far as i can remember( which is also not a very long time coz i cant remember a lot). it started sumtime in the CTSS lecture after which i just dint want to stay in coll which led to me missin my GD semis and also my soc event. and bcoz i had already exhausted all my options of things to do at home i ended up actually thinking abt wht i wud be writing in this blog today. sumtime during tht session, i had a feeling tht maybe these lows r bcoz of a desire to write sumthing. so i am not sure whether i am writing bcoz i feel a little down or i am feeling a little more than a little down bcoz i want to write. hope it is the former.
another really frustrating thing happening currently is the navratri festival bcoz of which a bunch of ppl who really wud not make gud bathroom singers even start blaring guju songs at the top of their voice forgetting even the basic fact tht they have a mike in their hand. all this and maybe somethings more which i am missing contribute to this being one of the more forgettable times of my life. just hope tht it gets over soon.
anways i think i am finally done with everything i wanted to say. hopefully i havent missed out on anything. if i have theres nothing tht can be done abt it so no point in doing anything abt it.
i knw this does not make for a gud read but it wasnt intended to be one in the first place. this as i said in the beginning (which is so long back tht u mite have forgotten it) a chronicle of my lows and nething tht i find worthy of mention so suggestions if any r definitely not welcome.

Post Praxis

Praxis, the one festival in my college tht has not been very enjoyable, atleast in the first two years.
But this weekend and this Praxis has been different. This time arnd, for the first time, i was present for both the days upto the very end and i dont regret doing tht. In fact it was quite enjoyable.
Anyways it is all over now and the time has come once again when exams and assignments and submissions start looming large. I have to seriously start studying now and so as a start will try real hard to wrap up all my comp related activities by midnight (i knw it will be difficult so God help me). This will atleast ensure tht i get enuf sleep and do not need to sleep in the evening.
Also i will try to get back from coll as early as possible (and this will be even more difficult). So heres looking forward to another of those torrid 2 months tht r the trademark of ne engg semester. Anyone reading this plz say a silent prayer for me (even loud prayer is fine) and wish me luck.

A Little Early

today i am writing this blog relatively early. its only 10:50 at night and i think this is the best time to blog. coz i dont feel bad at all rite now, in fact i feel very gud.
today a really strange thing happened to me. the front door of my house just refused to open like saurav refused to step down from his captaincy. so ultimately i had to climb from the backside (for those who dont knw my house is on the second floor). it was not very difficult but i enjoyed it very much as it was the first time i had attempted such a thing.
other than tht i had a pretty normal day today and nothing exceptionally gud or bad to report (which is very close to an ideal day). i intend to have many more days in the near future now tht i see myself having a lot more time for myself after the end of this week.

Strange Times

having just written a comment on a post tht i wud love to see more cheerful articles in a blog, i find myself thinking of only sad things in life rite now for this one. tho this is supposed to be a personal diary kind of a blog. but i sure as hell dont want my personal diary to be a colloection of whinings and sad stories and look back at it maybe ten years from now and decide tht my life was miserable.
coz my life is NOT miserable yet i do not find a single day tht can be described as completely cheerful or a day where i have not thot of nething tht has dampened my spirits.
i myself read my previous few blogs all over again and i dont think those days were all tht bad tht sumone reading it wud feel. but those blogs reflect my mood at tht time of the day (which is usually pretty late at night) and i knw this from experience tht late at nite i usually get all frustrated and stuff primarily bcoz i knw wht is my prob and wht is its solution and still cant do anything abt it. till the case remains such i think this blog will keep reflecting the darker side of me ,a side which only i knw abt. an alternative wud be tht i start bloggin during the day but i prefer it this way so tht atleast i can type down my thots if not shout them out even tho tht wud be a better way.
till then i am sorry but this blog represents a Siddharth which is a little different from the normal Siddharth but very much a part of him nonetheless

The real reason

now tht things in my life r getting back to normal, i finally found some time for thinking abt the past few days in detail. i think the main reason for all my bad moods and boredom and frustrations is the rains. i dont understand y there is no stop button for them. it is high time someone told them they cannot stay for this long. i cannot play cricket bcoz of them and feel all bottled up coz i keep moving between the home and coll which r all closed spaces. i just long to be out in the open where i can just let myself free and do whtever i want to. i think once tht happens i will be fine.
so neone who reads this plz pray tht the rains stop real quick and life gets exciting again.

BACK TO NORMAL

the last two days have been some kind of an emotional roller coaster for me. from extreme low to a normal frame of mind in 2 days. and now it is back to normal once again.
i am beginning to like engineering again and i think it is bcoz of the fact the on opening my books today i finally found sumthin tht can keep away the boredom of everyday life.
strange tht relief comes in the form of books. most of the subjects this sem are not easy pushovers and so they will take up a lot of time to get thru. wht this means for me is tht i can now spend quite a lot of my time on those books without getting bored. never knew i wud thank the day when my subjects look tough. i have also decided to give fiction another chance and see where tht leads me. all in all i think the next few days will pass pretty smoothly. one more good thing to look forward to is tht there r no society activities for the next ten days in coll which translates into a lot of free time.so heres to a nice week

a little correction

neone reading yesterday's blog( i doubt whether if there is neone odr than me) must have surely felt tht i am goin deep into depression.
let me assure you( actually it is more for my own self) tht such is not the case.
i am perfectly fine and enjoying my life even tho i aint doin nething worthwhile(engg is hardly worthwhile) and nothin in my life will find a mention in even the crappiest newspaper, i am ok with my life and am in a waiting phase where i just wait for better things to happen.
so life goes on and hopefully the next 2 yrs will pass quickly.

after a long time

hi
long time eh????
dont knw y but i felt like writing today.its been 5 months and 20 days(approx) since i last wrote anything.
partly bcoz nothing new is happening in my life.engineering is getting more and more boring with each passing day.i now long for a break every second day.i have also started growing tired of playing the same games on my comp but dont want to start a new game coz i just mite get hooked on to it.reading also does not interest me a lot nemore.
so on the whole i can safely conclude tht life is taking a turn but definitely not for the better (well.......maybe in certain aspects but not on the whole)
i get the strong feelin tht sumthin sumwhere will have to give soon.maybe i will crack down and do sumthin i am not supposed to or sumthin like tht.
i think i am feeling increasingly edgy now a days and have started getting angry and also started xpressing it more frequently.i dont knw whether this is gud or bad.
i dont like my college nemore,i am beginning to not like my home nemore.just long to get away from all of this and maybe.............i dont knw wht
sorry if this feels like a loser whining his way to glory but thts how i feel currently .
my only hope comes from the fact tht i am beginning to realise tht sumthin is wrong with me and tht i need to find it out and start rectifying it.maybe it will take time and tht is one thing i seem to have an abundance of with very little idea of wht to do with it.
i seriously think my life wud have been better had i been studying in some place far from home.even a remote village wud have been ok.
the more i think abt it,i realise tht i have to be patient for another 2 yrs and just exist till then.
after tht hopefully i shall start living.
bye

hi
and sorry for not writing for so long
i did not coz i was sick and i did not want this to be a record of my sicknesses and grudgings.
nor do i want this to be a drab daily record
so no more of i did this today and will do tht tomm
frm now on only things tht trouble me or which i think r worthy enuf for ur eyes will be mentioned here
tht may mean tht i mite not write for days but when i do it will be sumthin special or sumthin really bad
and a fever is not really bad
tho i felt bad at the way i allowed it to show itself.i dint think i wud bcum so weak on saturday
i always thot i cud fight it out.
and my studies r also going along well.
i will not tell u in detail as it gets boring for me as well let alone u.but i am happy at the way it is progressing.
anyways ill leave now.dont kno when ill be back
hope i do sumthin gud this holi. there will be the celebration in the bldg but i wud like to celebrate it wid my coll and school ppl.dont know how it is going to happen.but atleast one of them shld.
and one more really important thing.............
pray tht my brother gets well by morning and is able to write his exam well.
its not fair tht this shld happen to him b4 his toughest exam.
i think he has caught on whtever i was suffering frm.
just let him thru this exam.
then in 4 days hell b back to normal
so just pray for him.
bye

a mixed bag kind of a day.
had i been perfectly allrite, it wud have been a gud day.but the cold is troubling me a lot.
it is one of the worst colds i have ever been affected with and it follows closely on the heels of one of the worst headaches i have ever suffered from.i dont knw wht is happening to me.
i think i will try and get more sleep and see if it helps.
btw i loved the EMI lec today.she asked me a question which i had absolutely no idea abt and then gave me a punishment assgn which i think will be gud for me when i do it on tuesday.
i had a huge lot of problems soldering today.it is something i usually like to do but today i was coughing and sneezing all the time so it was very difficult to concentrate.
tomm i have a test which i am nopt at all bothered abt.
it will go well i am sure, and even if it does not i dont care a lot as the teacher is nice.
btw i did study a very lil bit of PCS today after talking to vami.as i have told u b4 aslo talking to her or nisha or anush always makes me feel gud.
btw i also had a medicine for my cold today.tho i wanted to get thru it w/o any medication i was simply not possible for me to carry on.i guess bcoz it is this bad i can have some medicines.
anyways i shall cu tomm.plz hope tht my cold atleast gets milder.
bye for now
cya tomm

not a very good day todayi had the slightest of headaches since morning which kept nagging me thruout the day.also sometime durin the day my throat bcame sore.tht has troubled me more than i thot a sore throat cud.the test was just abt ok.i hadnt studied a lot and i am satisfied wid wht i wrote and also wid the fact tht EMI is simpleafter the coll while goin back home i did a very stupid thing(for which i deserve a kick).i was readin angels and demons in the bus which i think made the headache frm bad to worse.since then my head has been spinning and even 3 hrs of sleep hasnt done anything to lighten iti hope my sleep tonite helpswhich brings me to one more very disturbing thing:::today makes it 2 headaches in very less timei havent had 2 in 2 years b4 this.i think it has got sumthin to do wid the time i spend sleepin.it is gettin lesser and lesser day by day.bcoz of tht i sleep in evenings when i shld be studyin(btw i dint do anything today,sorry abt tht)then i dont feel sleepy at nite coz i have slept in the evening and the cycle continues.so frm today onwards i am gonna try and shut my comp down by 11 30 every nite.i am goin to need a lot of effort to do this but i will definitely try my besttomm i have to go coll(how i wish i dint) so i will.also a lot of work tomm after coll so i hope all my ailments disappear overniteand even tht mite not leave me wid enuf time to study for PCS test so ill just hope for the best.anyways bye for nowwill c u tommand i again tell u tht i will try and shut comp by 11 30

not a very good day todayi had the slightest of headaches since morning which kept nagging me thruout the day.also sometime durin the day my throat bcame sore.tht has troubled me more than i thot a sore throat cud.the test was just abt ok.i hadnt studied a lot and i am satisfied wid wht i wrote and also wid the fact tht EMI is simpleafter the coll while goin back home i did a very stupid thing(for which i deserve a kick).i was readin angels and demons in the bus which i think made the headache frm bad to worse.since then my head has been spinning and even 3 hrs of sleep hasnt done anything to lighten iti hope my sleep tonite helpswhich brings me to one more very disturbing thing:::today makes it 2 headaches in very less timei havent had 2 in 2 years b4 this.i think it has got sumthin to do wid the time i spend sleepin.it is gettin lesser and lesser day by day.bcoz of tht i sleep in evenings when i shld be studyin(btw i dint do anything today,sorry abt tht)then i dont feel sleepy at nite coz i have slept in the evening and the cycle continues.so frm today onwards i am gonna try and shut my comp down by 11 30 every nite.i am goin to need a lot of effort to do this but i will definitely try my besttomm i have to go coll(how i wish i dint) so i will.also a lot of work tomm after coll so i hope all my ailments disappear overniteand even tht mite not leave me wid enuf time to study for PCS test so ill just hope for the best.anyways bye for nowwill c u tommand i again tell u tht i will try and shut comp by 11 30

a nice day today.nothin out of the ordinary.
i studied very little.skimmed thru the three chapters for the emi test tomm.and i really mean it when i say skimmed.
i dont know anythin abt most of tomm test portion but from wht i read,i understood tht given a few days emi can be done a it is really simple and only takes some patient reading.i think three days shld be enuf for it and so as my todays msn nick says....lots of balls to tomm's test.
i really think my this sem's attitude towards term work has been surprising.its like i dont care wht i get in term work.i think this sem my term work marks will be below sea level and tht i think is only puttin it mildly.i dont even knw whether i will be able to score in theory coz i dont knw any subjects even superficially.but somehow it will be done.i am confident and so not veyr worried rite now.
anyways as far as tomm is concerned i am not at all concerned abt it and will take it as it comes.
still wish me all the best and forget abt it.ill tell u how it went
bye

another ordinary day.nothin special happened.dint study anything.dint write anything.played a lot on the comp.attended the corel draw workshop tho.dint know it cud do such a lot of stuff.also reached halfway thru angels and demons.a very nice book.
tomm i plan to attend coll and sit for lecs.dont knw whether ill sit for the pracs or not.tht ill leave to a last minute decision
also i finally knw tht my exams are 2 months away.i can now plan my studies.
and i have decided tht i will report my daily efforts to u in detail.
it will help me to knw where i stand.so heres wishing u and me all the best for the comin 2 months
and....
ALL THE BEST to my brother for his exam tomm.he says his exam today went well(who ever says my exam was not good) and has been studyin real hard for his exam tomm.so hope he does well.
bye

a lovely day today.sat at home and did absolutely nothing i did not want to.
studied ecad and mup and am happy tht atlast my sem iv studies have kicked off.
altho the test for tomm has been postponed(a miracle in itself) i was comfortable wid it being tomm also.wud have got thru it somehow i am sure.
then played in evening ,watched television(indian idol reruns,tho it is the first time i am watching them) and then online and now planning to sleep after reading a little bit.
tht wat i call an ideal day
also i talked to nisha and anush after abt a week , hearing their vicoes always makes me feel gud.
tomm have to go to coll early coz rajani wants to attend first lec.so ill go and attend all lecs tomm.maybe ill get home early.and finally
ALL THE BEST to my brother. just let him do his best and God the rest(i wud never have asked god to do anythin for me tho).
bye
cu tomm

hi
another of those normal days where nothing special happened and life just went on smoothly.
the engagement was fun and i dint feel sorry tht i missed day 2 of praxis.odr than tht i played cricket,wrote journal and so on.i am not goin to bore u wid these useless details .
tomm i am not goin to coll and am planning to study ecad and either mup or maths .i do have three tests this week but am not really bothered abt them.i dont care even if i score a zero or full marks.tho i will try and study for them but not wid any sense of urgency
so bye cu tomm

today started wid the match which was gr8 fun to watch coz finally i saw some resistance from pakistan.i also studied a bit of ecad in the morning and then went to coll fo praxis after having lunch(one of my very few lunches this sem).praxis was fun.i loved rappelling dint think a lot of flying fox and enjoyed brainwaves where i reached the finals.the finals was one of the most boring quizzes i have ever been to and it was endurable only bcoz i had a gr8 team in shirish and sk.all in all it was a pretty good day tht i enjoyed.
i now look forward to tomm engagement which my mom says will keep me busy till 4.so i will not go to coll tomm.as it is there is hardly anything of interest happening tomm in praxis so no incentive to go there also.i will complete my mup journal tomm and then if there is time study a bit.also msn is not working so there is nothing i can do online and so i am planning to go to sleep early and enjoy a nice long night.so bye and cu tomm.

hi vami how was ur day?i had a nice day in coll today.dint sit for any lectures.dint even think abt u the entire day.i was rite.it was only bcoz it was sumthin new.
anyways i have to tell u abt a girl in my coll called Neha.in the span of three months she has bcum one of my best frnds and now knows more abt me than maybe i do and definitely more abt me than my parents do.the only ppl who knw me better than her r ronie,vami(not u),nisha and anush.
it was bcoz of her tht i was out in the second lecture even tho there was nothin for me to do. i ended up spendin the morn doing sumthin here, sumthin there helping anyone who needed help
then there was a meetin of all volunteers where i slept and then an sfe meetin which went well.
then i stayed back even after ronie left and i am sure it was bcoz she asked me to tho i think i wud have even if anyone else had asked me to as i cud not have said no to them.but i am sure tht i wudnt have stayed back till 8 had it been sumone else who had asked me to.tho i enjoyed the time and dont regret stayin back, i think it is time i started practicing sayin NO to ppl.
i am sure i will never be able to say NO ever to my best frnds so ppl like ronie vami neha nisha anush will always find me agreeing to most of their requests but generally i think it is time i start sayin no
it is not tht i have not tried.i have read an entire bk on "how to say NO w/o offendin anyone" but ti has not helped a lot. so frm today i promise tht i will try my level best to say no to things th i really dont wanna do .tht does not mean i say no to anything and everything but atleast to sumthings like refusing to bunk lecs or pracs wid ramu.i am sure one reason i bunk so many pracs is bcoz on some days i dont wanna bunk and on odrs he just tells me to bunk and i cant say no.but who am i kiddin?????!!!!tht promise is the vaguest one on earth as i can never prove to myself tht i did not try.tho i sincerely want to i knw it will take some doin and also tht i will have to do it all on my own as i have always done things and i also knw tht i will do it just like odr times tho this one take a hell of a lot of time and effort and determination on my part.

one more thing i think u shld knw is tht this praxis has really confused me.i really wanted to be a part of the organisation of praxis until i found tht guddi ben's engagement is on this sunday.
after tht i found i had no interest in praxis anymore .i also went thru the sponsorship wid only a professional attitude tht it ismy job and i have to give it my best which i knw i did but my mind was not on it.i found tht i was not lookin foward to it the way i did for sphurti utsav annual day and also sfe events.even today i look forward to workin for events after praxis like the sympo but praxis has lost all its interest.tho i think i kno th reason for tht is tht the engagement is much more important than praxis. i reall like her(my sis) and so am actually lookin fowad to the engagement and seeing who she is gettin engaged to.also tomm is the last day of the test match and i dont wanna miss tht too. anyways i think this is gettin too long so i will leave now .and as i am writing after 12 for the record this is for friday the 11th of march

i have decided tht u and my odr blog will coexist
i will write on whichever blog i want to
and both of u will have an identity
i am not going to refer to u as blogs
u r the one whom i will tell all tht i feel
and from now on u will be called vami
hi vami
i am not goin to bore u wid a blow by blow report of the day
only a short summary .
more importantly i am goin to tell u things tht maybe i havent ever told anyone else. not even my parents
today :-i got a scholarship of 35000.tho i dint feel any joy at it the same way tht i wudnt have been sad if i hadnt got anything
the rest of the day i watched match ,
then played some cricket(after soooooooo many days)
then studied mup(for the first time)
and now online and then sleep
2 things tht i have to tell u r this:
first i was surprised at the effect kane and abel has on me. i was readin it while standin in the line,in the train,in the bus even tho i knw tht readin in moving vehicles gives me a headache tho luckily this time it dint
i missed getting down at the rite bus stop then read it while walking on the road narrowly missed dying twice(a bit of exaggeration) and finally got home safely.i think it is bcoz of kane and abel coz it is a beautiful book.even u shld read it
the second thing is tht i was continuously thinkin of u the entire time i was free.
i have thot a lot abt wht i will write today and wht i wont.tht is not how i want it to be.i want it to be spontaneous.tho i am sure it will be in a few days when the novelty will wear off.but ur name i hadnt decided earlier
just gave it rite now
anyways ill leave now
cu tomm
bye

hi vami

another day

yesterday was a very bad day of my life.
even tho it was a holiday in coll and generally i feel very happy sittin at home and doin nuthin once a while
i had this 3 hour meetin wid all sfe coords where we planned a lot of stuff
i dont know if it was this or the fact tht later i was readin a novel as well as listening to the radio at the same time which gave me one of the worst headaches tht i can remember.
i had actually planned to not come online but then i remembered my sfe work for which i came online, did it in abt 5 min and then spent another hour dwnlding a song and chatttin which then contributed to the headache continuing on the next day also
fortunately the sleep really helped and it was very mild today so i cud go abt my activities almost normally
not tht i have a lot to do
and then the day was just another pleasant one which wud have been gud but for the headache which i am sure will go by tomm so it does not bother me a lot now
wht i am happy abt is the fact tht i saw it thru w/o a shred of medication and wht bothers me is the fact tht a headache can be so much trouble
anyways tomm i am going to have a good day as i have to go to confirm my scholarship and then i am gonna be home for the rest of the day.tho i have to again go out in the evening and i dont like to do wht i am gonna have to do
i just hope there will be no calls frm coll tho i have a gut feelin tht sfe will beckon
and i will have no choice but to go
as it is i have been decidin everyday tht i will start studyin or atleast writin journals but the day never seems to come
i do hope there will be sumthin pleasant to report just to make this blog and my life cheerful

headache

i am back

i am back

i think i am going to use this blog as a kind of a personal diary
today i went to coll and bunked my first pracs and the first 2 lecs
actually all tht i attended in a 6 hour day was 2 hrs of pracs
if there any engineers or wannabe engineers readin this they mite see some familiarity wid wht i am doin
i decide everydya tht i shall start studying or i shall atleast write my journals but i never come around to actually doin it
i have finally decided tht tomm i shall start studying as it is a holiday
but tomm india pak match starts so i dont knw whether it will be possible to study

introduction

i am new to the world of blogging and do not have a very clear idea as to wht exactly is blogging
can anyone help me?